The Secret of Putting Mommy and Daddy First

When we had our firstborn, our marriage changed. In many way it changed for the better and in other ways, not so much. We obviously had less time for each other and our intimacy waned. We felt exhausted and had less patience with each other at times so arguments were more frequent. The great thing is that all things work together for our good and it just gave us a desperation to spend more time with God together. We spent more time reading scripture, our devotional book and praying to help us reconnect and get over that hump. It worked and God carried us and our family through that difficulty. He helped us to come out on the other side closer to God and each other and much stronger as a couple.

This time period also made us consider who should come first in families, in a practical sense. On paper, we realized that we should keep each other in first place to keep our marriage strong, but how? How do successful families prioritize? How do husbands and wives remain close through the crazy hectic first years and still have fire left when the children move out?  We realize that God must come first, our marriage is second and the lights of our life, Kaara and Asa are third. The moment we held Kaara and Asa in our arms for the first time, we felt so excited and grateful to be their parents. These were children of our own flesh. How amazing is that!! Mamas and daddies know the magnitude of this feeling! We are attached to them and interwoven with them. At times our lives and schedules seem to revolve around them. However, we're not one flesh with them. We are joined in one flesh with each other exclusively, and when our unit is strong our kids flourish from our strength. Although I believe this wholeheartedly, it feels weird to say that our kids are in third place. However, third place doesn't reflect how we feel about them at all. We absolutely love, nurture, delight in, and dote on our babies but we also make sure that having them doesn't cause our marriage to drift apart. 

When Kaara was ten months old, we went on a week long vacation together. A few were surprised that we were leaving him so soon. In reality, it was the best thing for our family because we were so rejuvenated when we returned. We truly felt like boyfriend and girlfriend for a whole week and it had an amazing effect on our love and subsequently, our baby. We'll never regret our decisions to pour energy into our marriage because we know that we can simultaneously take great care of our babies and each other!  Every night when hubby gets home, we hug and kiss each other first and then the boys. We know that we are affirming each other in this small gesture and also setting a good example for our kids. It reminds me of a quote I heard long before we married. "Marriage is like a cradle that holds the family in place." To this end, one of the greatest gifts you can give your children is to have a fulfilling marriage!

Dear mamas and daddies, please don't feel bad for leaving your children with a loving family member or competent caregiver and spending quality time with each other. Your kids will miss you, but they will happily greet you when you return. Eventually, as they grow and mature they'll realize that mama and daddy need play dates, too!
 P.S- I know that sometimes these suggestions aren't easy to follow and that everyone doesn't have family or friends to watch their kids or extra funds to date, etc... but it's sooo important to carve out time for one another. Even if you start a group with other neighborhood moms and swap babysitting duties so you and hubby can do something inexpensive or free. It's so worth it <3 Parents, comments on how you make time to keep your marriage healthy! What are some things you do to keep things fun?

Barcelona and Paris Anniversary Trip!

Night One

We arrived in Barcelona in the morning and already it's time for a nap! Who else stays up ALL night packing the night before your trip, no matter how long you've known you were taking your trip?! It's insane. Our overnight flight was smooth and although Iso slept on the flight, I wasn't able to. Maybe I was too excited or maybe it was because I was pumping breast milk under a blanket! I had to do this 2-3 times per day or this vacation would've been a disaster.

I also listened to tons of music on the flight to pass the time but when we arrived, I was ready to pass out. 

Barcelona is gorgeous! The first thing I notice is the architecture and the slew of cafes lining the streets with people dining on the sidewalks. Even the crowded apartment buildings look a bit romantic because of the architecture. When it's time for dinner, we decide to on on foot since it's only about a 20 minute walk. We hold hands, talk about the scenery and people watch. 

Moments later we arrive at Paco Miralgo, a super tiny tapas restaurant with a chic facade. I love how many European restaurants make such efficient use of space. Our dining experience feels cozy and intimate. Every small dish we ordered was fresh, flavorful and distinct. We literally ordered one of every tapas dish they offered on the menu! We left feeling fully satisfied and agreed it was the best meal we'd eaten in months.

                      At Paco Miralgo for dinner on night one! 

               The rabbit was tender and the seafood was so fresh.

                    Food so good, we had to write a Yelp review!

                     After dinner kisses for my handsome hubs! 

Night two

The last two days in Barcelona have been so fun and we made some great discoveries. Feels so good to spend so much uninterrupted time with just the two of us. Today we decided to visit Gothic Square-a huge, enclosed, rambling maze of alleys and restaurants, shops and residences. We'd never seen anything like it and had sooo much fun getting lost in the labyrinth-like streets. We ate tapas again. What else would you eat when visiting Spain?! They were very tasty and at the same time didn't measure up to the dinner we had the first night. We felt like judges on Top Chef with our dish-by-dish comparisons. After dinner we stopped for gelato and spent a couple hours exploring and taking pics next to interesting buildings and graffiti art. We ended up in La Rambla by the port and stumbled into a beautiful hotel for a glass of wine. We went up to the rooftop and there was the most amazing view of all of the Barcelona with its evening lights and its gorgeous sea port. After a couple hours of relaxing on the roof, we went out to party. We found a spot and danced to early 2000's hip-hop with young locals and it was all very corny and tons of fun and giggles. On our way back to the hotel at 3:30 am we are all smiles. I love my hubby so much! He did a great job planning this trip and I can't believe how very blessed we are to have each other and our life. 

Night Three

Today we booked a yacht cruise to see some of the landmarks in the city and I just wanted to be on the Mediterranean. I was sooo excited and put on the perfect swimsuit under my clothes so that I could get into the water when the time was right. We took a taxi to the port. The port was huge and there was no address on the vouchers. No one we asked knew how to get to particular part of the port we needed. By the time we walked all the way to the other side of the port, 40 minutes had passed and we'd just missed the boat!! Talk about a grown woman pouting like a baby. This was gonna take some time for me to get over. Hubby was angry and called Amex to get a refund.

Determined to recover and make the best of our last day in Barcelona, we found an Italian restaurant with five star reviews on Yelp and had an early dinner. We then went to Sagrada Familia which is a basilica and park designed by famous artist, Gaudi. It was definitely interesting and worth the trip. Afterward, we walked around the city, stopped for gelato and just enjoyed the weather. We must have walked for a couple of hours, stopping on a park bench to relax in between. We arrived back in the hotel and spent some time relaxing only to realize at the exact same moment that we were starving! It was 4 am. We found a 24hour bakery and cafe where we grabbed some flaky delicious empanadas, small pizzas, quiche and dessert. It was great and we scarfed it all down on our walk back to the hotel.

 Tomorrow we're off to Paris!! 

                                       Sagrada Familia!

                                            OMG yumm!

         Iso said when it drops,this will be my album cover insert :-D!

                                         Relaxing on the rooftop!

Iso took selfies that I didn't know I was posing for! Anyone else's man do this to them?! 😂 Why do I look like an alien in the top right pic?!

Night Four

24 hours in Paris

First stop: Eiffel Tower. We got in line to go up the lift but it was too long. A sweet couple agreed to take some pics of us. They turned out really cute! We stayed for a while and indulged in some excellent people-watching.

Next stop: Pont de Arts bridge to make our mark. I'd seen the lovers' locks before in various engagement photos online. I knew this was a must-see and marking our own lock and throwing away the key was a must-do. It was so romantic! Lots of kisses. After we permanently marked our lock with "Iso and Melissa forever," we locked it onto the bridge and each threw a key into the Seine River. It melted my heart. One day we'll go back to the same spot with our sons and maybe we'll find our lock in the same place, the key forever drowned in the deep flowing waters. Our love is forever!
I'm sooo corny... I know...
Later that night, we celebrated our one and only night in Paris at a tiny, amazing restaurant. The weather was perfect so we sat near the street and had a great time. Our dinner was delicious with many creative entrees and it was the first to live up to that first night in Barcelona. Afterward, we went out and made some new acquaintances.

                 The dude who stole my heart and won't ever give it back!

                                             You've got my love on lock!

                        Come get this love, boy!

  

     Farewell, Paris! Until next time!

Help us out!! To my people who like to get away on some grown folks trips, where should we go in 2017?!

Let me know in the comments!!!

So You want Two Kids Under Two?

What It's Really Like

When we brought our newborn home and our oldest son met him, it was the cutest scene. Since that day, it has been so much fun watching our son go from ignoring him the first couple of weeks, to bonding with him and now wanting to sit right next to him when he watches Sesame Street. I look forward to them being best friends. This is the sweet part. However, on certain days, having two young children can be a logistical nightmare.

Imagine going to Marshalls with your toddler and infant. You find a random cart in the parking lot, so you put your toddler in the front of it and your infant's seat in the cart's basket. Now there's no room in the cart, so as you shop you place your new sweaters, footie pajamas for the kids and holiday decorations under the cart. Some of the clothes fall onto the floor and get run over by the wheels, leaving tons of dirty little cart tire marks that you discover once you get home. Forget about that for now.

While you're shopping, your toddler begs to get out of the cart, so you oblige him but then he cries because somehow he thought you were going to carry him around the store, shop and push the cart at the same time (he's overdue for his nap). Once you've had enough, you check out and attempt to leave but the wheels on the cart automatically lock when you get to the front door and you can't roll your kids to car. Dammit, you cart thieves. This shouldn't be necessary. You can feel the bitter cold air and wind coming in. Your toddler is still crying because you won't carry him and remember, he missed his nap. Let's take inventory. You now have a huge diaper bag, heavy shopping bags to carry with holiday decorations and other stuff that you now wish you'd just left on the shelf,  plus a crying toddler attempting to climb you, and a 17 lb infant in a car seat. I don't know how much the car seat weighs by itself, but with the 17 lb infant inside, it feels like a total of 100 lbs. There is no one nearby to ask for help and you really wouldn't want to. These are your kids and your unnecessary holiday decorations, sweaters and baby stuff. You stand there looking crazy, kinda laughing and feeling a bit sorry for yourself. What do you do? How did you get yourself into this quandary, anyway?

Clearly this happened to me. It was a few days ago. Long story short, I figured it out. We always do.  When we got home, I even managed to get my sleeping toddler into the house along with my 100 lb infant and car seat combination, plus the bags.  In the cold. All by myself.

With careful planning, I can probably avoid this exact scenario the next time I shop, by leaving the diaper bag in the car or not packing one at all. It's easier for me to just keep the trunk stocked with the essentials. If someone has a blowout, we'll just have to go to the car. Luckily, this isn't a common occurrence when we're out. I'll also take the baby Bjorn to carry my infant on my body. This exact thing won't happen again but there will be other scenarios. When you have an infant and a toddler these things happen.  

Read on for more examples from other moms.

"Sometimes when I'm nursing my newborn, my oldest gets jealous and tries to sit on him, I  mean on my lap. I'm not sure what her intentions are, actually. It's hard to get her off of me. I feel really bad because I know she needs attention too, but the newborn is ALWAYS nursing."

The fix: The best way to combat jealousy with my own toddler has been to give him some immediate affection and reassurance. When my hands or lap are occupied, I can still shower him with kisses. I'm learning that another way to combat jealousy is with alone time with my toddler. I make sure I always read a story with him before his nap. Sometimes it's a super short story but if he picks a longer book and I don't have the time, I just skip a bunch of pages and paragraphs. He hasn't caught on yet. I also try to spend time each day teaching him something, dancing with him or just cuddling and watching Sesame Street. It doesn't have to take long but it adds up.
 

"My infant had a diaper blowout and my 18 month old was having a meltdown in Toys R Us"

The fix: When something like this happens to me, I try to take care of the most immediate need first. That could mean carrying or rolling them both (kicking and screaming, in this case) to the nearest changing station. Then we can figure out what is causing the meltdown. That could take a while.

So clearly, caring for two babies at the same time can be a juggling act. There are so many great things, too. Here are just a few of the great things that come along with it.

Top 3 Benefits of Having Two Under Two 

1. You're already used to caring for a newborn and you have more confidence so you'll know how to sleep train or what to do when your newborn gets the sniffles, for instance. It will also be nice to have the hard part over and done in a few years.

2. They'll be besties and will likely have some similar interests. They'll entertain each other and play reasonable well together (this is my hope).

3. Daycare, activities and school will require less traveling so you'll have more time to do other things that you enjoy when you're not taking care of family.

Experienced mamas, what are some other pros and cons of having two under two???

New baby? Here is what you DON'T need!

I vividly remember the excitement and anticipation I felt when preparing for my first and second babies. If you're anything like me, you want the very best of everything for your precious newborn. You might also go crazy googling the safest car seat and the chicest stroller, etc. Once you start down this slippery consumer trap, ahem, I mean once you start researching, you'll be inundated with images of expensive baby items that no baby really needs. If you'd like to save some coins, here are some tips from my experiences.

Babies are simple. This is what mine needed:

1. Long and short-sleeved onesies and lots of them

2. Warm footed sleepers, socks, bibs and day wear

3. Bath toiletries and towels

4. First aid/grooming kit

5. Bassinet or Moses basket for first few months

6. Crib 

7. Car seat 

8. Stroller

9. Dr. Brown's bottles (my preference), Soothies pacifier from the hospital and a nursing pillow! (this will save you some back strain when nursing in bed) 

10. Diapers, of course. (You can have a diaper raffle at your shower or reveal party). Pick up a few nice prizes and/or giftcards and your friends and family will happily bring a pack of diapers. I'd specify the brand and anything but newborn sizes. They outgrow those so quickly so you don't need too many. 

11. Baby moccasins. (Not to be confused with baby shoes).Ok, your baby doesn't NEED baby moccasins but they are irresistibly cute so I added them to the list. They can be purchased on Amazon for as little as $3 and change. They are soft so they're not good for walkers. They come in many colors and styles and look similar to suede or leather. They are ADORABLE with most babys outfit. Again they're $3 on Amazon and are made by Voberry. 

Here's a list of stuff I actually didn't need:

1. More than one baby wearing contraption. I use the black Baby Bjorn. I have a couple of the stretchy fabric baby wearers in a black and a neutral and haven't used them once.  I can't be bothered to learn to wrap, pull, twist it over my shoulders and across my back then loop it twice and tie it or whatever the directions call for. Maybe it's because I have big babies but they always seem to sag or feel like I'm going to drop my baby if I don't hold the baby up while wearing it. Pretty much defeats the purpose. The Baby Bjorn feels more secure, I can use both hands to do other stuff and it goes on more easily in a snap. This is just my experience and I also know moms who swear by soft fabric baby wearers. 

2. You don't need many newborn clothes aside from some white onesies. My babies outgrew them so fast that they didn't give et to wear them more than once, if at all. They were in 3-6 month clothes after 3-4 weeks. If your baby is on the small side, you can always buy more or go on Amazon and get them delivered. Amazon Prime is truly a new momma's bestie. If you have Prime, you probably know about Amazon Now. If you have Prime they deliver stuff (some groceries too) in less than 2 hours! FOR FREE!

3. You don't have to have a diaper genie. I was so happy to receive this item since I feared diaper odors. I have two kids in diapers. It's still sitting in the corner. I can't even explain why.

4. Bottle warmer. I hate cabinet clutter and between bottle holders, sippy cups and all the stuff already on the counter, I decided to keep my $35 and use warm water in a bowl instead. Works for us. You can also use a crock pot for the same purpose. It's probably already cluttering your counter anyway so you may as well make it a multi-use item!

5. Baby detergent. Some brands (I won't say any names) are so expensive. My second baby has eczema and his doctor said any detergent that's "free and clear" is perfect for baby clothes. If your baby has eczema you might consider washing your own clothes in "free and clear" detergent as well. 

6. You don't need a bunch of baby shoes. Babies don't need shoes until they start walking around 9-13months. Baby moccasins are another story. Revisit number 11 above.

Moms, share what your family did and didn't need in the comments so we can help out all the soon-to-be mamas!